Things I've Lost

Inspired by Jeanne's recent post.

-a $1,250 savings bond which I received as prize for winning an essay contest in 9th grade. I don't remember what the essay was about but I should have put that puppy in a safety deposit box. I don't know where it is now and it would sure come in handy for my upcoming Oz trip...
-too many goldfish. I lost my first two pets (Bubbles and Blackie) to disease and grief. Blackie died because he was sick and Bubbles died of a lonely heart, I'm pretty convinced. They were soulmates. I think.
-Two grandparents that I never really knew. My mom's mother died when I was 6, and I only have two distinct memories of her. One of them involves her making me a peanut butter/honey sandwich. I wonder if that's why I like them so much now. I never met my grandfather and I wish I had, but he died in the Philippines before I could meet him. My mom tells me that my personality is a lot like his so that intrigues me even more. I know you should feel like you had something to begin with in order to lost it, but I feel the loss nonetheless.
-My favorite silver butterfly necklace somewhere in Tucson, Arizona. I think this happened around 9th or 10th grade. We were staying at a resort in Tucson and that was the last time I ever saw that necklace. Gosh, I loved that thing.
-I think i've also lost self-consciousness or at least a significant part of it. I used to care in the extreme about what people thought about me and was bothered by this, probably more than a normal person. I still get offended every now and then if I think someone's perception is out of whack, but generally I really don't think twice about it. I am who I am and I'm pretty comfortable with that.
-my favorite treehouse. (my only treehouse). my dad helped me build this in the central maple tree in our backyard in New Jersey. I also had a rope swing. Many, many hours spent dreaming up in a canopy of trees.
-Innocence, yes. I have cynical bouts still. A constant battle. But I feel like I've rebounded from a 2-3 lapse into extreme cynicism and now I strive to move forward in hope. This battle is dynamic, and always changing on me. But it keeps me on my toes and for that I am grateful.
-many good memories of college. I blame this on the fact that I didn't have a digital camera until my last year in college, and even then I only used it sporadically. Sometimes I look back at college and only see a blur of classes, activities, practicing piano and some routine or schedule that I think I had. I feel like so many amazing, fun, random wonderful things happened with many amazing, fun, random wonderful people, but I don't remember half of it. Mostly because I don't see many of these people anymore and there's no chance for reminiscing...
-my ability to remember things without writing them down/recording them somehow--I think this is why I recently I've taken to taking photographs, writing journal entries, recording video blogs, making quote lists. I used to have a superb memory, but I think it's deteriorated into nothingness.
-my ability to sit still in solitude and enjoy life without needing to check email or facebook or my phone for texts or update my twitter to let the whole flippin' world know what I'm doing. I'm looking forward to Australia to be a break from all the constant communication and just BE.
-a deep friendship that was super important to me. People fade in and our of your lives for reasons and in seasons and that's to be expected, but this particular friendship should not have dwindled to its current form. Lately I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I doubt you'll read this but if you do... We've both changed exponentially and I am still holding out hope that we can find each other again in our new selves.
-my friend Chris to a deadly car accident my sophomore year of college. We were great friends freshman year, and he was a constant companion. He faded out of my life sophomore year and I wish he hadn't and I wish I had been a better friend to him that second year. Rest in Peace, Smalls. You are still missed and loved.
-several bets to Jeanne, where I end up owing her dinner or money in some form. However Walter and Carolina have inspired me to be a bit more creative in coming up with stakes for our bet-making. So I'm working on that;)
-the 8th grade spelling bee at Rock Lake Middle School. I came in stinkin' first runner up. Because I couldn't spell diphthong. Still don't even know if I spelled that right just now.
-my ability to be sensitive and emotional to most people: translated into wanting to cater to people. I used to be a super oversensitive person and used to overcompensate for that. I still think I'm fairly empathetic, but generally I've swung the opposite way and become a bit more logical in the way I approach emotions and people.


What have you lost?